第二次諮商結束沒多久，我就開始準備出國參與老闆倉促決定要我出席的研討會（和過後年中的度假）。研討會和一些後續的工作占了我大概一星期，接下來啊的那幾天我都在都別林閑晃。所以在哪兩個星期我是沒太多時間翻閲我的功課（尤其一些還是影片）。回來後，才抓出一點空擋開始慢慢閲讀，慢慢觀看記筆記（我看資訊類影片，尤其是要寫筆記的話，會花至少三倍影片的時間）。
學習無爲
首先是這部關於backwards law影片
Backwards Law在諮商時，有約略提到，但那是建立在轉念的部分。這影片解釋的角度，則又更深入一些。
What if we’d try not to think of a pink elephant. This probably won’t work. Because as soon as the pink elephant appears in our minds, it’s impossible to get rid of it by consciously not thinking about it. And the more we try to get rid of it, the more it persists.
Stop Trying to Get It And You’ll Have It | The Backwards Law – Einzelgänger
其實這就是老生常談的，你越想要忘記，你記憶就越鮮明的概念。
Ironically, the more we try to be less dissatisfied, the more dissatisfied we become.
所以某程度，同理可證，當你越想要擺脫不滿，你就會因爲在過程中不斷提醒自己多不滿，而越陷越深。影片内容會越來越充滿禪意和説教，所以慎閱。
… also referred to as ‘the backwards law’ by philosopher Alan Watts. The backwards law proposes that the more we pursue something, the more we achieve the opposite of what we truly want and the more disappointed we feel.
對一些目標越是進取，反而到最後得不到相應的結果。
On the flip side: when we stop trying, we’ll have what we want.
但當你對此無所作爲，卻往往能達成。這樣聼下來，倒是有點道教提倡的「無爲」的感覺（當然我理解可能有誤歡迎留言賜教）。
But the backwards law isn’t so much not about worldly achievements – if anything, it transcends them. It’s about getting what we really, truly want. It’s the shortcut to the holy grail; the thing we’re all after; the goodie. But what is it?
這裏説的目標，超越了字面能表達的概念。真正的問題是，我們欲求的，究竟是什麽？
Is it wealth? Is it love? Is it friendship? Is it a long and healthy life? Even though such things are pleasurable; they’re just cheap imitations of the real thing. They are the things that we believe will lead us to what we seek. But, as the backwards law makes clear, the more we seek, the less we find. The more we chase these outside circumstances, the further we’ll be removed from what we truly desire.
越説越玄了吧，但某程度這概念也不難懂。躲在這些物質或數值背後的，往往才是我們追求的目標。可是，確切來説這些到底是什麽？
According to Alan Watts, we don’t know what we truly want because we cannot define it.
“Why don’t you really know what you want?
Two reasons that you don’t really know what you want. Number one: you have it. Number two: you don’t know yourself, because you never can.
The Godhead is never an object of its own knowledge, just as a knife doesn’t cut itself, fire doesn’t burn itself, light doesn’t illuminate itself.”
所以，我們一直在追求的這些物質和數字，往往跟終極目標沒有關係，反而背道而馳。
We feel lacking because of our discontent with current circumstances. The greater our discontent, the more we suffer. The greater change we need to be content, the less content we are.
通常當我們努力去達成一些成就時，是爲了填補一些空缺，比如錢財朋友讚數（來最終獲得快樂）等等。可是在達成這些目標的途中，我們往往同時間也會不斷提醒自己所擁有的是多麽匱乏，進而更不快樂。
But if you’d significantly lower the threshold, your feeling of inadequacy will decrease, as the goalpost is moved much closer to where you are. Nevertheless, we still choose to set the bar high; oftentimes far above our current position, and by doing so our feeling of inadequacy is deep and persisting.
但如果設立的目標不要遠離現實太遠，那空虛感則會隨之緩解。可是説實在，我們在現實生活聽到最多的勸告，往往是「你爲何不試著更努力達成更高的目標呢？」。
The human tendency to continually pursue more as a cure for the itch, while simultaneously maintaining that itch by that very pursuit, seems illogical. And that’s precisely the case according to German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer. Schopenhauer concluded that we want what we want because, like anything else in the universe, we are representations of the will-to-live or, simply, the will. Schopenhauer argued that the ‘will’ is an illogical, directionless, continual striving that causes us to live a life of suffering that cannot be ended by anything that the world has to offer. Because of this, we pathologically want more than we need, driven by an incessant sense of lack.
其實這一大段説的還是前面提過的，我們在追求的是終極目標的表象，但其實這些我們自以爲的表象跟終極目標沒有任何關係。而在追求的途中，我們往往會不斷提醒自己是多麽缺乏這些東西。但由於表象跟我們無法定義的終極目標根本沒關係，所以所有的努力往往都是徒勞無功。
According to Schopenhauer, the will is why we strive; the will is why we seek. But following it never isatisfies, because the will itself is the very thing that keeps us from getting what we want.
所以就算達成了表象的目標，儘管會有滿足感，但通常很短暫，畢竟表象終究不是終極的目標。而我們的意志，雖然推動我們去追求更多，但在過程中卻把我們推離確切想要的那個終極目標。
Schopenhauer argued that the only way to be truly content is the negation of the will, which leads to a blissful, empty state, free of striving. In other words: stop trying to get it and you’ll have it.
所以不要把自己往死裏去推去努力，往往更加能夠從此擺脫無窮無盡的欲望。我想比較好的解讀方式，應該是看清這些表象并不是達到目標指標，認清了然後重新調整目標，讓之成爲一個你實際可能達成的事情，那麽在努力的過程就不會因此時刻深刻提醒自己的匱乏，從而更可能接近真正想要的目標。
比如説如果你想要用金錢達到快樂，那就不要設立一個努力十世也不能達成的財富目標這樣。
He does not store, and therefore he has a superabundance; he looks solitary, but has a multitude around him.
In his conducting of himself he is easy and leisurely and wastes nothing. He does nothing, and laughs at the clever and ingenious. Men all seek for happiness, but he feels complete in his imperfect condition.
Lao Dan (Lao Tzu), Zhuangzi, Tian Xia, 5
影片甚至截取了道家的文本，其實説到底，就是知足常樂這句老生常談。
Being aware of the workings of the backwards law doesn’t mean that we should never set goals, never have ambitions, or never pursue change. There’s probably an endless amount of reasons why we should make a change, and shouldn’t accept the status quo. However, the backwards law does teach us not to be fooled by the idea that the pursuit of happiness leads to happiness. It’s quite the opposite. And with that knowledge, we’re able to enter that blissful state of ‘not wanting’ a bit more often. Because, as Alan Watts stated: “The mystery of life is not a problem to be solved but a reality to be experienced.”
這呼應了我前面説的，目標可以設立，但得認清追求的是表象而且不要過分好高騖遠。
截取Alan Watts的一些議論，還有接下來的文本。
對付焦慮
其實文本大致上跟影片相呼應
In order to desire, you first have to acknowledge something’s missing. It’s this intent focus on what we’re lacking that makes us miserable. We’re placing ourselves in front of artificial trenches that separate us from mostly made up needs.
How To Fight Anxiety – Niklas Göke
當你設立了一個目標，在達成的中途你永遠會不斷提醒自己你還沒得手這件事。
What did they do? They moved on and went about their day. That’s called detachment. Part of life is that life sometimes sucks. To accept that and not be swayed by it is a skill.
最近在聊天室認識了個小朋友，他最近遇到的一個問題讓我有點啼笑皆非。他在一個活動現場付出了一切的努力，但臨時還是出了狀況。雖然上司並沒有責備反而在幫忙救火的同時也教他日後怎麽應對，但他卻因爲臺下觀衆的不諒解而備受打擊。
But today we don’t go on. We go on Facebook. And Instagram. And Twitter. In search of answers we don’t need, hoping to get a quick fix. Because we care too much. Yet, all we see on highlight media is everyone having ‘the time of their lives.’
我們必須認清shit happens，很多時候我們只能own it, fix it, and move on。世間一切從來就不是永遠的光鮮亮麗，當然我不是説小朋友不需要因此感到沮喪，但是不是共事者的觀衆對於此事的不諒解和回饋，真的有比上司的諒解和協助來得重要嗎？
Detachment is taking care of your shit while your partner figures out their own. It’s not letting your boss’s feedback tear a hole in your self-image. Not adding more suffering in imagination to what you endure in reality.
結論其實還是那句，知足常樂，不要過慮。但雖然是這樣說，要達成可是不容易。
接下來探討的，又回到情緒調節的課題，正視所謂負面情緒的一段演講。
情緒調節
諮商師給我的影片是精華版，但犯賤的我硬是跑去找了完整版這樣。
The conventional view of emotions and good or bad, positive or negative, is rigid. And rigidity in the face of complexity is toxic.
The gift and power of emotional courage – Susan David
經過上次的功課，如果非得下個結論的話，應該就是情緒本身沒有所謂好壞正負之分。
I told him I loved him, said goodbye and headed off for my day. At school, I drifted from science to mathematics to history to biology, as my father slipped from the world. From May to July to September to November, I went about with my usual smile. I didn’t drop a single grade. When asked how I was doing, I would shrug and say, “OK.”. I was praised for being strong. I was the master of being OK.
這是個很哀傷的故事吧，明明是很悲哀的時刻，卻得故作堅强。然而諷刺的是，我們往往也表揚如此的行爲，然後貼上堅强的標簽，仿佛壓抑傷感是種不得了的成就。
No one knew, and in a culture that values relentless positivity, I thought that no one wanted to know.
如果得説，這應該是我最喜歡的一句話。我本來就不喜歡，也不相信那些把「正面」一次當作口頭禪的人。如果人有開心的時刻，那總會有不開心的時候。沒有人可以常保開心，因爲這樣的話，理論上「開心」一詞對他來説根本毫無意義。你總得經歷過傷心憤怒失落等等其他的情緒，才能區分什麽叫做開心吧。
But one person did not buy into my story of triumph over grief. My eighth-grade English teacher fixed me with burning blue eyes as she handed out blank notebooks. She said, “Write what you’re feeling. Tell the truth. Write like nobody’s reading.”. And just like that, I was invited to show up authentically to my grief and pain. It was a simple act, but nothing short of a revolution for me.
只能説，人生遇到好老師很重要。
Life’s beauty is inseparable from its fragility. … The only certainty is uncertainty and yet we are not navigating this frailty successfully or sustainably.
知否世事常變，變換才是永恆啊朋友。青春不可能永駐，健康也有衰退的時候。
And at a time of greater complexity, unprecedented technological, political and economic change, we are seeing how people’s tendency is more and more lock down into rigid responses to their emotions. On one hand we might obsessively brood on our feelings. Getting stuck inside our heads. Hooked on being right. Or victimized by our news feed. On the other, we might bottle our emotions, pushing them aside and permitting only those emotions deemed legitimate.
過分眷戀，或者過分抗拒情緒，這兩種極端都不是最好的調節方式。
… we may inadvertently shame them out of emotions seen as negative, jump to a solution and fail to help them to see these emotions as inherently valuable.
至少在我成長過程中，我是不允許有任何不快樂的情緒的。
Normal, natural emotions are now seen as good or bad. And being positive has become a new form of moral correctness. … It’s a tyranny. It’s a tyranny of positivity. And it is cruel. Unkind. And ineffective.
其實還是呼應了我前面説的我不喜歡正面精這樣。
If there’s one common feature of brooding, bottling or false positivity, it’s this: they are all rigid responses. And if there’s a single lesson we can learn from the inevitable fall of apartheid, it is that rigid denial doesn’t work.
仍然是呼應了演講開頭説的，粗暴簡化的應對方式，都不是最佳的情緒調節策略。
Research on emotional suppression shows that when emotions are pushed aside or ignored, they get stronger. Psychologists call this amplification. … You might think you’re in control of unwanted emotions when you ignore them, but in fact they control you. Internal pain always comes out. Always.
其實就跟之前説的，情緒需要調節，而不是閃躲或者忽視。
Only dead people never get stressed, never get broken hearts, never experience the disappointment that comes with failure. Tough emotions are part of our contract with life. You don’t get to have a meaningful career or raise a family or leave the world a better place without stress and discomfort.
這讓我想起了一個訪談的内容
我覺得現代人不見得那麽想談戀愛
The KK Show – #52 Ken的私人診療室 – 唐綺陽 – 百靈果
你不要相信他們嘴巴說的
其實大家都非常害怕人際關係
忽然遇到一個人馬上煩惱就來了
我怕我hold不住
萬一他不喜歡我怎麽辦
然後他就走了
完蛋了我多纍積了一道傷痕
所以如果沒那麽喜歡
能不要就不要
很多人就這樣子不談
是的，有時候我們真的會怕（事實上你在這個時候問我我還是會怕）。但是，遲早我們都得正面跟這恐懼交手，因爲
Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life.
挑戰固然是不讓人舒服的，但跨越了就是成長。
Research now shows that the radical acceptance of all of our emotions even the messy difficult ones is the cornerstone of resilience, thriving, and true authentic happiness.
這裏我必須說的是，由於我不是在academic圈，加上我本來就不是心理學專家。我雖然到現在爲止轉述很多學者專家宣稱研究顯示怎樣怎樣，但我是無從找到該份研究報告就是。但至少在這段講詞，内容還是跟前面甚至跟上一篇功課有所呼應就是。
But emotion agility is more than just an acceptance of emotions. We also know that accuracy matters. In my own research, I found that words are essential. We often use quick and easy labels to describe our feelings. “I’m stressed!” is the most common one I hear. But there’s a world of difference between stress and disappointment or stress that knowing dread of “I’m in the wrong career.”. When we label our emotions accurately, we are more able to discern the precise cause of our feelings.
這就有點約略點到linguistic的部分，英文部分我不熟悉，但中文的部分，我們的確開始默默讓一些字詞概括了以往多元的選字（可以自己去翻陳雲先生系列著作）。比如我們不再講自傲自豪，現在我們都講驕傲。我們不再說分擔分憂，我們都一律說分享。情緒的字詞也一樣，我們漸漸用通用簡短的字詞，去表達多元的情緒。誰還有那個閑情逸致，花幾百字去解釋自己情緒？
When we label our emotions more accurately, we are more able to discern the precise cause of our feelings. And what scientists call the readiness potential in our brain is activated, allowing us to take concrete steps. But not just any steps, the right steps for us. Because our emotions are data. Our emotions contain flashing lights to things that we care about.
回顧第一份的功課，我們會發現到正確意識自己的情緒，是可以及早發現我們思緒發出的一些信號警示。而且正正因爲情緒不是毫無來由，或無理取鬧irrational的產物，只有我們在乎的東西才會啓動這些警示。
When we are open to the difficult emotions, we are able to generate responses that are values-aligned. But there’s an important caveat. Emotions are data, they are not directives. … We own our emotions, they don’t own us. When we internalize the difference between how I feel in all my wisdom and what I do in a values-aligned action, we generate the pathway to our best selves via our emotions.
所以其實這段的意義，還是回到上一篇功課説的，當情緒上來的時候，先停下來鑒定是什麽樣的情緒，它在呼應什麽樣的事情，傳達什麽訊息。但同時間保持自己的理智，在不忽視情緒需求下，讓之牽動自己的言行反應。
In my research, when I looked at what helps people to bring the best of themselves to work, I found a powerful key contributor: individualized consideration. When people are allowed to feel their emotional truth, engagement, creativity and innovation flourish in the organization. Diversity isn’t just people, it’s also what’s inside people, including diversity of emotion.
最近去的conference，也約略談到diversity這個課題。當然這個詞不同人有不同的詮釋，但是在這裏這個context，我覺得speaker，David提出的，是我們得正視所有類型的情緒。
Emotional agility is the ability to be with your emotions with curiosity, compassion, and especially the courage to take values-connected steps.
其實Emotional agility的概念，跟之前功課提過的東西很類似，主要還是正視自己情緒，然後做出相應的舉動和決定。我很喜歡在這段話之後的結語，但我不覺得我可以生出更好的解説，所以有時間讀到這裏的人可以點進去一看。
很感人吧。
然後我發現這16分鐘的演講我寫了兩個小時，我的天！
接下來是關於Social support的部分。
建立相互分憂的社交網絡
Stress is a normal and unavoidable part of life — but too much stress can affect your emotional and physical wellbeing.
Manage stress: Strengthen your support network – APA
如巴士阿叔説的，你有壓力，我有壓力。但壓力如果沒有緩解的管道，就會出事暴走。
Emotional support is an important protective factor for dealing with life’s difficulties. The 2015 survey found the average stress level for those with emotional support was 5.0 out of 10, compared to 6.3 for those without such support.
情緒上的支援，似乎跟壓力指數有關係。
Loneliness has been associated with a wide variety of health problems including high blood pressure, diminished immunity, cardiovascular disease and cognitive decline.
簡單來説，孤獨鬼不得好死啦有較高幾率身體不健康。
In fact, experts say, almost all of us benefit from social and emotional support. And though it may seem counterintuitive, having strong social support can actually make you more able to cope with problems on your own, by improving your self-esteem and sense of autonomy.
不得不説，雖然沒有美滿下場，但在這一次的戀愛，若沒有身邊朋友給我勇氣，我連這個失敗的機會都不會有。更不用説，在之後大家爲我打氣，讓我至少不覺得自己一文不值這樣。
Yet social skills don’t always come naturally. Some people have trouble making social connections. Many others lose established connections due to life changes such as retirement, relocation or the death of a loved one. In any case, it’s possible to forge new connections to reap the benefits of a healthy support network.
這段部分之前提過，大家畢竟都有不同人生方向，身邊的朋友不會永遠都維持那幾個人。總有一天，他們會因爲人生軌跡的改變，進而不再隨傳隨到。
然後文章提到一些策略，其一
Cast a wide net. When it comes to your social supports, one size doesn’t fit all. You may not have someone you can confide in about everything — and that’s okay.
其實也不需要執著與找一個可以聊所有事的人，不同的事可以跟不同的人聊也是很好。
Be proactive. Often people expect others to reach out to them, and then feel rejected when people don’t go out of their way to do so. To get the most out of your social relationships, you have to make an effort. Make time for friends and family. Reach out to lend a hand or just say hello.
其實解封后，我也在陸陸續續在綫下努力約大家見面了就是。
Take advantage of technology. It’s nice to sit down with a friend face-to-face, but it isn’t always possible. Luckily, technology makes it easier than ever before to stay connected with loved ones far away.
我實在很討厭視訊，就算是簡訊再即時也取代不了面對面的尷尬溫度。
Follow your interests. Do you like to hike, sing, make jewelry, play tennis, get involved in local politics? You’re more likely to connect with people who like the things you like. Join a club, sign up for a class or take on a volunteer position that will allow you to meet others who share your interests.
同樣的，也是趁著解封，然後就慢慢回復正常社交生活這樣。
Consider joining a support group to meet others who are dealing with similar challenges.
這個對我來説比較陌生，但不失爲一個好方法就是。
Improve your social skills. If you feel awkward in social situations and just don’t know what to say, try asking simple questions about the other person to get the ball rolling.
我覺得這個真的很看人數，二十來人的活動我會比較可能可以相對安心跟一些出席者聊天。但如果是像彩虹G動輒幾百人，不好意思我真的會當機。
Ask for help. If you lack a strong support network and aren’t sure where to start, there are resources you can turn to.
所以我去諮商了。
另一篇，也是跟social support有關。
用Social support擊敗壓力
因爲内容有重叠，所以部分内容就不贅述了。
A social support network is made up of friends, family and peers. Social support is different from a support group, which is generally a structured meeting run by a lay leader or mental health professional.
Social support: Tap this tool to beat stress – Mayo Clinic Staff
所以重點在於social這個字上，所以這支援是來自我們本身的社交網絡，而不是專家主導的支援團體。
… a social support network is something you can develop when you’re not under stress. It provides the comfort of knowing that your friends are there for you if you need them.
某程度，social support的形狀是你自己捏出來的。你不會跟不喜歡不信任的人建立相對深刻的社交關係吧。
Studies have demonstrated that social isolation and loneliness are associated with a greater risk of poor mental health and poor cardiovascular health, as well as other health problems.
其實這篇文章有列出一些益處，但我個人是覺得有點虛無縹緲就不特別説了。但是兩篇文章都有說social isolation有很高的幾率引發一些生理和心理的問題就是。
另外也是有一些策略，其實跟上面説的差不多，也不外乎是透過興趣拓展社交圈子，去成爲義工去運動參與一些運動群組參加一些課程或上網尋找有類似遭遇的人組成的support group之類的。
建立是一回事，而維持也很重要。
Stay in touch. Answering phone calls, returning emails and reciprocating invitations let people know you care.
不要成爲孤獨鬼。
Don’t compete. Be happy instead of jealous when your friends succeed.
不要成爲妒忌精。
Be a good listener. Listen when your friends are speaking. Find out what’s important to them.
不要成爲插嘴王。
Don’t overdo it. Be careful not to overwhelm friends and family with phone calls and emails.
不要煩死人。
Appreciate your friends and family. Take time to say thank you and express how important they are to you.
如廣告詞説的，感恩要及時。
Give back. Be available for family and friends when they need support.
You help me, I help you這樣。
Remember that a goal of building your social support network is to reduce your stress level, not add to it. Watch for situations that seem to drain your energy. For example, avoid spending too much time with someone who is constantly negative and critical.
負能量鬼退散啦。
Taking the time to build a social support network is a wise investment not only in your mental well-being but also in your physical health and longevity. Start making more friends or improving the relationships you already have. Whether you’re the one getting the support or the one doling out the encouragement, you’ll reap rewards.
其實就是be nice，你對人真誠，他人他日也會有几率爲你赴湯蹈火。
再來就是Social Support如何影響增進心理健康。
Social Support如何增進心理健康
同樣的，類似的就不贅述這樣。
It is social support that builds people up during times of stress and often gives them the strength to carry on and even thrive.
How Social Support Contributes to Psychological Health – Kendra Cherry
所以Social support可以在承受壓力的時候提供前進的動力。
But social support is certainly not a one-way street. In addition to relying on others, you also serve as a form of support for many people in your life.
跟上一篇的結語一樣，這種支持是雙向的，你待人好，人亦真誠以待。
In one study of middle-aged men over a seven-year period, those with strong social and emotional support were less likely to die than those who lacked such relationships.
孤獨鬼比較短命這樣。
所謂Social support可以以不同形式進行
Helping a person with various daily tasks when they are ill or offering financial assistance when they are in need
就好像我飛出國前當了幾天防疫厨男的意思。
Giving advice to a friend when they are facing a difficult situation
比如我在面對前度當時告白時躊躇不安時，身邊朋友給我的打氣。
Providing caring, empathy, and concern for loved ones in need
和分手後大家給我的關懷。
Social integration is the actual participation in various social relationships, ranging from romantic partnerships to friendships. This integration involves emotions, intimacy, and a sense of belonging to different social groups …
其實人生朋友來來去去，拓展交友圈其實應該是一直要做的事情就是。
Experts suggest that being integrated into such social relationships confers a protective benefit against maladaptive behaviors and damaging health consequences.
多交朋友身體好。
縱觀三篇關於Social support的文章，如果第一章教你如何交友，第二章教你如何自處，那這篇重點就是教你如何分辨不同的support。
Sometimes the people in your life provide emotional support. They back you up when you need it and are there with a shoulder to cry on when things don’t go your way.
就是提供情緒出口的家人朋友。
In other cases, the people in your social network might provide instrumental support. They take care of your physical needs and offer a helping hand when you need it.
這個就是在現實危難危機中拉你一把的人。
People can also provide what is known as informational support. This can involve providing guidance, advice, information, and mentoring.
這些就是亦師亦友型的。
我覺得某程度，諮商師想透過這些文章告訴我的是，我不需要把所有事情攬上身。其實仔細想想，我跟我妹的確是從小到大很多事務，都是自己去處理。久而久之，至少我也漸漸習慣了盡量不驚動別人下完成一堆事這樣。
By having this form of support, people may feel less anxious and stressed out about the problems they are trying to solve thanks to the advice of a trusted friend, mentor, or loved one.
好處當然是我有獨立的能力，但面對新的問題難不免會比較慌亂。再來由於真的很不常關心別人，所以很常有當初如果多問問會少繞點路。
Participation in social groups has a normative influence on behaviors, often influencing whether people eat a healthy diet, exercise, smoke, drink, or use illegal substances.
當然交友還是要慎選。
Clearly, social groups can sometimes have a negative influence in this regard when peer pressure and influence leads to poor or even dangerous health choices. However, group pressure and support can also lead people to engage in healthy behaviors as well.
不是要你很犀利眼說只交比你優秀的人，但交對朋友會有互相督促的效果倒也是真的。
Social support also helps people to cope with stress. Stress has been shown to have serious health consequences ranging from reduced immunity to increased risk of heart disease.
壓力致病，也很可能導致不健康的生活習慣。
Social support的部分到此告一段落，接下來是Self-care的部分。
Self-Care是什麽
WHO defines self-care as “the ability of individuals, families and communities to promote health, prevent disease, maintain health, and to cope with illness and disability with or without the support of a healthcare provider”.
What do we mean by self-care? – WHO
這定義有點廣。
But self-care can also include factors from a communal standpoint, like community involvement, neighborhood participation, and cultural empowerment.
What Self-Care Is — and What It Isn’t – Elizabeth Pratt
還是不太具體。
The centerpiece of self-care is the promotion of health and well-being. Emotional self-care is centered around ensuring your emotional needs are met and protected.
開始進正題了，所以還是那句開始對自己的情緒需求有所感知（aware）。
But emotional care also means taking time for valued activities meaningful to you. The importance of slotting time to pursue, develop, or just dabble with a hobby or pastime is often undervalued or brushed off as a waste of time.
其實這也是爲什麽我如果去學點什麽新的東西，都會盡量跟電腦無關。
Physical self-care is a broad term that can refer to a range of practices. It can include basic daily life activities that, during a mental or physical health episode, we tend not to follow through on. These can include:
生理部分的話就是打理個人衛生和健康的部分，多運動吃好點睡好點安全性行爲不要酗酒什麽的。
Spiritual self-care involves a number of practices focused on connecting with your inner being, which may assist people in their personal development, sense of peace, and foundation to fall back on.
靈性的部分，大概就是透過靜坐或宗教信仰尋求心靈上的沉靜。
Self-care should not be viewed as something you only do if you have time. Neither is self-care something that should only be a reward that can be gained once other tasks are completed.
Self-care應該是日常，而不是偶爾爲之的事情。比如説你不能偶爾感覺到了才去洗澡這樣。
Self-care, if practiced appropriately, needs to be an integral part of your daily life. Fortifying your emotional, physical, and spiritual health through self-care is the foundation for your overall health and well-being.
其實還是呼應我上一句，這是一個日常的活動。
Self-care is not selfish; it is not a waste of time.
無論我活到什麽年歲，好好照顧自己應該從來都不該視爲一種自私吧。
Getting started with self-care can be overwhelming. It can be difficult to know what methods of self-care will best benefit you, or what areas of your life you should focus on.
You could start by writing.
跟之前幾頁ted talk speaker David女士曾經做過的事情一樣，提筆振書是個很好的開始。
Cheryl Richardson is the author of “The Art of Extreme Self-Care: Transform Your Life One Month at a Time.” She advises that the best way to begin your self-care practice is to identify where you feel most deprived in your life.
感覺這跟前面backwards law的也有呼應。
Richardson suggests you be specific in your responses. Rather than write that you feel like you don’t have time to yourself, you might instead write that you feel deprived of uninterrupted alone time away from your family. Having this time would enable you to do something just for you, like shop for yourself, read a book, or catch up with a friend.
有時候當你把這些煩惱寫下來，應該是有助於揭開紊亂的思緒。
Richardson also suggests creating a “No List.” Knowing what you don’t want to do, she affirms, is just as important as knowing what you do want to do.
知道自己不想要幹嘛，跟知道自己想要做什麽一樣很重要，因爲
The No List makes it clear what you refuse to deal with in your life. Having such a list can help you feel protected and safe, and leave you free to engage in self-care.
至於什麽時候要進行
There’s no secret formula for the best time of day for self-care. The most consistent recommendations are to try and make time for self-care around the same period each day to build the habit.
某程度最好是同一個時間，比如每天同一時間打坐冥想，同一個時間寫journal等。
Self-care might range from a hot soak and yoga to everyday activities like preparing meals you want to eat or dressing in your choice of style.
Self-care is not an indulgence. The WHO recognizes it as a crucial aspect of health maintenance.
所以説到底，雖然很廣汎，但是説到底self-care主要是給自己一點時間和空間，好好照顧自己内在和外在的需求這樣。
另外一篇，則從日常的故事切入。
為社麽Self-care那麽難
因爲這篇有點跳，所以我截取的重點不會跟著文章的順序。
Genuine self-care involves recognizing and accepting your imperfections, while also finding ways to improve yourself—compassionately. It also often means making compromises and recognizing that no compromise is perfect.
Self-Care Is Important: Why Is It So Hard to Practice? – F. Diane Barth L.C.S.W.
某程度，也是對自己的寬容。時間跟資源永遠是有限的，雖然這意味著我們不一定有想象中足夠的時間和空間給自己一些me time，但至少還是要擠出來然後寬待自己。
Self-compassion, then, is all about balance, not perfection. And there are many ways to get to that balance: Mindfulness practices, psychotherapy, and conversations with friends, spouses, partners, colleagues, parents, and even your children can all help you gain perspective.
在有限的時間和資源中，好好的用不同形式寬待和照顧自己各方的需求。
Never mind that we all know, as the airlines tell us, you have to put on your own oxygen mask before you try to help someone else. As I wrote in an earlier post, it is especially important to take care of yourself when you have the responsibility of caring for someone else, whether it’s children, parents, or a sick spouse or partner.
其實以前學急救的時候，施救者首先要做的永遠是先保護自己。把自己照顧好，才來談回應別人的需求。
這次的功課很多，我前後也弄了兩三天才終於整理好（然後下一次咨商就是下周二了）。中間也的確獲益良多，當然不可能很快就直接應用到生活裏，但如諮商師説的，首要還是aware，獲取相關知識后，後續才可能有相應的motivation這樣。