無賴騎駿馬肆意翔遊天際

諮商功課之知足常樂

截取Alan Watts的一些議論,還有接下來的文本。

對付焦慮

其實文本大致上跟影片相呼應

In order to desire, you first have to acknowledge something’s missing. It’s this intent focus on what we’re lacking that makes us miserable. We’re placing ourselves in front of artificial trenches that separate us from mostly made up needs.

How To Fight AnxietyNiklas Göke

當你設立了一個目標,在達成的中途你永遠會不斷提醒自己你還沒得手這件事。

What did they do? They moved on and went about their day. That’s called detachment. Part of life is that life sometimes sucks. To accept that and not be swayed by it is a skill.

最近在聊天室認識了個小朋友,他最近遇到的一個問題讓我有點啼笑皆非。他在一個活動現場付出了一切的努力,但臨時還是出了狀況。雖然上司並沒有責備反而在幫忙救火的同時也教他日後怎麽應對,但他卻因爲臺下觀衆的不諒解而備受打擊。

But today we don’t go on. We go on Facebook. And Instagram. And Twitter. In search of answers we don’t need, hoping to get a quick fix. Because we care too much. Yet, all we see on highlight media is everyone having ‘the time of their lives.’

我們必須認清shit happens,很多時候我們只能own it, fix it, and move on。世間一切從來就不是永遠的光鮮亮麗,當然我不是説小朋友不需要因此感到沮喪,但是不是共事者的觀衆對於此事的不諒解和回饋,真的有比上司的諒解和協助來得重要嗎?

Detachment is taking care of your shit while your partner figures out their own. It’s not letting your boss’s feedback tear a hole in your self-image. Not adding more suffering in imagination to what you endure in reality.

結論其實還是那句,知足常樂,不要過慮。但雖然是這樣說,要達成可是不容易。

接下來探討的,又回到情緒調節的課題,正視所謂負面情緒的一段演講。

情緒調節

諮商師給我的影片是精華版,但犯賤的我硬是跑去找了完整版這樣。

The conventional view of emotions and good or bad, positive or negative, is rigid. And rigidity in the face of complexity is toxic.

The gift and power of emotional courage – Susan David

經過上次的功課,如果非得下個結論的話,應該就是情緒本身沒有所謂好壞正負之分。

I told him I loved him, said goodbye and headed off for my day. At school, I drifted from science to mathematics to history to biology, as my father slipped from the world. From May to July to September to November, I went about with my usual smile. I didn’t drop a single grade. When asked how I was doing, I would shrug and say, “OK.”. I was praised for being strong. I was the master of being OK.

這是個很哀傷的故事吧,明明是很悲哀的時刻,卻得故作堅强。然而諷刺的是,我們往往也表揚如此的行爲,然後貼上堅强的標簽,仿佛壓抑傷感是種不得了的成就。

No one knew, and in a culture that values relentless positivity, I thought that no one wanted to know.

如果得説,這應該是我最喜歡的一句話。我本來就不喜歡,也不相信那些把「正面」一次當作口頭禪的人。如果人有開心的時刻,那總會有不開心的時候。沒有人可以常保開心,因爲這樣的話,理論上「開心」一詞對他來説根本毫無意義。你總得經歷過傷心憤怒失落等等其他的情緒,才能區分什麽叫做開心吧。

But one person did not buy into my story of triumph over grief. My eighth-grade English teacher fixed me with burning blue eyes as she handed out blank notebooks. She said, “Write what you’re feeling. Tell the truth. Write like nobody’s reading.”. And just like that, I was invited to show up authentically to my grief and pain. It was a simple act, but nothing short of a revolution for me.

只能説,人生遇到好老師很重要。

Life’s beauty is inseparable from its fragility. … The only certainty is uncertainty and yet we are not navigating this frailty successfully or sustainably.

知否世事常變,變換才是永恆啊朋友。青春不可能永駐,健康也有衰退的時候。

And at a time of greater complexity, unprecedented technological, political and economic change, we are seeing how people’s tendency is more and more lock down into rigid responses to their emotions. On one hand we might obsessively brood on our feelings. Getting stuck inside our heads. Hooked on being right. Or victimized by our news feed. On the other, we might bottle our emotions, pushing them aside and permitting only those emotions deemed legitimate.

過分眷戀,或者過分抗拒情緒,這兩種極端都不是最好的調節方式。

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