接下來的部分，是接下來咨商要談到的事情——Chronic Loneliness。
慢性孤獨
Chronic loneliness occurs when feelings of loneliness and uncomfortable social isolation go on for a long period of time. It’s characterized by constant and unrelenting feelings of being alone, separated or divided from others, and an inability to connect on a deeper level. It can also be accompanied by deeply rooted feelings of inadequacy, poor self-esteem, and self-loathing.
Cigna- Signs and Symptoms of Chronic Loneliness
某程度，在上一段戀愛關係裏頭，我也并沒有找到想象中的依靠。雖然説在情感上我是頗爲依賴他物理上的存在來宣泄，但是除此之外很多事情都是我自己在面對（有時需要他安慰的當下他不在）。幾次沒有滿足他需求，進而成爲他口中不夠愛他的那個人的確讓我很挫敗。
必須説自從好幾年前那一段結束後，這種孤獨的感覺的確有越來越强烈，尤其是經過了兩年多瘟疫的煎熬。但説到第一次有這種感覺，大概就是在我人在Semenyih研究生年代，第一次分手後病到滾來滾去的那時候。那是第一次如此深刻感受到無助。在此之前，由於身邊總有朋友陪伴從來都不覺得戀愛是個必要，但搬出去大病時才覺得原來孤獨is a thing。
這種感覺一開始就沒結束，尤其是身邊朋友們開始結婚去了，朋友圍繞的日子也漸漸成爲一種奢侈。
Inability to connect with others on a deeper, more intimate level. Maybe you have friends and family in your life, but engagement with them is at a very surface level. Your interaction doesn’t feel connected in a way that is fulfilling and this disconnection seems never ending.
我的確比較少跟太多人聊比較私密的事情，除了另一半就是爲數不到五人的好友。在結束戀愛關係后，最要好那位也忙與家庭，也某程度更減少了傾訴的管道。
No close or “best” friends. You have friends, but they are casual friends or acquaintances and you feel you can find no one who truly “gets” you.
如上，我的確不太喜歡跟太多人談太深層的事情。或許是不善於面對離別這件事情吧，從小到大每當終於get comfortable enough to跟別人開始聊比較深的事情時，那個朋友就會因爲家庭的緣故離開我的社交圈。經過幾次后，本來就比較少跟別人聊心事的我，就自然更難有這樣的朋友。
或許某程度也可以解讀為一開始我在這裏寫的東西頗多的原因吧。沒找到知心朋友，就寫日記吧，很多年前老師教過。
Overwhelming feeling of isolation regardless of where you are and who’s around. You can be at a party surrounded by dozens of people and, yet, you feel isolated, separate, and disengaged. At work, you may feel alienated and alone. Same on a bus, train, or walking down a busy street. It’s as if you’re in your own unbreakable bubble.
所以這幾年（尤其是瘟疫過去後），我有在試圖在綫下多出席一些活動（比如第一次的彩虹G跟剛過去的彩虹節）。説實在還是有點懷念那個大馬部落活動很多的那個年代，但大家好像都move on了，或者也不熱衷於綫下活動了。
When you try to connect or reach out, it’s not reciprocated, and you’re not seen or heard.
沒有特別想要reach out，但分手後我在社交媒體上發的一些文章意外得到朋友的關懷。在這裏感謝大家的支持和安慰。
Exhaustion and burn out when trying to engage socially. If you’re dealing with chronic loneliness, trying to engage and be social with others can leave you feeling exhausted. Continued feelings of being drained can lead to other issues like sleep problems, a weakened immune system, poor diet, and more.
最近出席彩虹節的確讓我發現我對這種人很多的聚會很不自在，這幾年睡很不好倒也是真的。
Some studies even suggest that there may be a link between loneliness and an increased risk for developing dementia and Alzheimer’s.
Long term feelings of loneliness and social isolation can also reduce cognitive skills, such as the ability to concentrate, make decisions, problem-solve, and even change negative self-beliefs. And it can ultimately lead to depression.
這聽起來很可怕，尤其是看到我失智的婆婆如今的模樣。
至於應對方式
Talk to your doctor, a therapist, or another health care professional. Chronic loneliness isn’t limited to feelings of social isolation and alienation from others. It is often tied to ongoing and deeply rooted negative beliefs about yourself that can eventually lead to other medical and emotional problems. Let someone know what’s going on.
這就是來臨咨商師要跟我討論的事情。
Engage with other people in a positive, healthy way. Even though it may be difficult, try making the effort to connect with others. Volunteering, hobby clubs, workout groups, and other opportunities, can help boost self-esteem and provide a safe and satisfying way to connect with others.
如剛才説的，也是我最近正在做的事情。
Get some exercise and sunlight. Getting active and out in the sunshine can help elevate endorphins and serotonin. These “brain hormones” can boost mood, help improve sleep, and make people feel happier.
運動倒是有持續在推自己持續下去。
Find a support group, especially if chronic loneliness is a side effect of some other issue you might be dealing with, such as substance use, loss of a loved one, loneliness from a divorce or break up, a chronic and isolating illness, etc. Receiving support and encouragement from others who may share similar feelings, could help ease symptoms of chronic loneliness.
好佳在身邊好友都很關心我就是，感謝大家 *撒花*
所以大致上，該讀的東西，也終於在快兩周后，約略讀了一遍。所以如他所説，我目前的burntout其中幾個來源的確跟忽視情感需求，跟慢性孤獨的部分有關。這也解釋了爲什麽同樣的情況，會周而復始發生。看來這不是一兩次就能説清楚，和解開的事情。就當作是一個重新好好認識自己的機會吧，我想。
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